He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
