Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
