This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
