You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
