you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
