You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
