Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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