i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
