I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
