my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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