We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
