My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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