I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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