Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
