If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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