His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
