fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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