I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
