You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
