Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am full of burrito and curiosity
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
