i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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