We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
