Soap is not a condiment
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
