Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
