It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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