Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize