how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
