how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
