He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
