I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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