I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
