just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
