i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
