ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
