I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
