hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
