Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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