It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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