My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
