I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
