I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My liver just had a heart attack.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
