You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
