Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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