Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
