i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
