Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
