Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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