I smell stomach acid.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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