I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
