In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
