I want to make a zoo with you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
