peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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