She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
