im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
