we're chasing vodka with high fives
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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